I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's just like the Real World with babies
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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