entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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