And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
