Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
