Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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