Whoa Z and x make the same sound
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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