burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
