NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
