Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
this boner is exhausting
either way he was missing a nipple.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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