I want to stick my p in your. b.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
