you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we're so committed to being not committed
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
