i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
