I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
