fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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