It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
