you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
