Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
