You just made me feel so damn special
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
