Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
