you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
