"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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