If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
