so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
