he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
