you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
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