shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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