Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
