Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
