there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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