apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
