The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just invented taco cereal.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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