it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm having to shit out rocks
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
