Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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