Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
