Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
