Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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