I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
