A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
