remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
