6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
