My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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