Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
