I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
