i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
