I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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