wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I came so hard my ears popped.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
