are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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