Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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