grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
