shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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