K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
