The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
