Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
